There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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