i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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