2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
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On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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