Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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