u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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