I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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