I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize