i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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