Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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