hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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