I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize