I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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