after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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