Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize