Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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