every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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