I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there's paper in my vomit.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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