8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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