Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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