life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize