Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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