I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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