new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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