Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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