Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Randomize
Follow @tfln