im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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