Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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