Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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