He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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