In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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