What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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