is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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