I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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