i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize