i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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