OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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