Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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