I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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