I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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