I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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