sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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