not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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