i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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