I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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