He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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