I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize