dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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