So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
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Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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