I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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