hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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